Comedic Pet Philosopher Pillows

Biofelineism

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

Cat Reunion

"Yes, one is a dog."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

PET THEORIES

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."

'Hard to follow...'

'Don't look at me!'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Dogs are men."

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"How do I get down?"

'You should try giving yourself a bath.'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'