Comedic Pet Philosopher T-Shirts

Biofelineism

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Yes, one is a dog."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Cat Reunion

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

PET THEORIES

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

'Hard to follow...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Dogs are men."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"How do I get down?"

'You should try giving yourself a bath.'