Comedic Magazine Reader Pillows

"Oh darling, this is Kirk. He came with this month's issue."

Surf Casting

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

Pushy Dog

'A is for Arse.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Examination.

"Really Mum? Natural selection gave us short arms to stop us from picking our noses?"

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

The Swiss Arm-y Wife

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

The Family Joules: Part 17

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

"You've reached Randy, the Dating Doctor. What ails you?...."

Private View.

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'