Comedic Jester Pillows

'Toupee or not toupee? - That is the question.'

Trump the Jester

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Dog fetching clown shoes.

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

Books / Coffee table books

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

"They're a perfect match – she's high-maintenance, and he can fix anything."

'Wait while I slip on something more comfortable.'

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

'He's sending 2,400 roses to win her back, and charging it to her credit card.'

Boyfriend scores notches on wall by bed.

"Is there anyone else in your life I should know about?"

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

"Will you manage my portfolio?"

Monks play conkers with crucifix

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

Luring the babes is a cinch when you've got the right feet for the job.

"If you love me you'd eat all the coconut ones I don't like."

"The Real Reason For Global Warming."

So I said, If I'm guilty of anything, it's loving you too much. Apparently, that's not what you're supposed to say to a traffic court judge.

'You told me I should be more affectionate, so I got myself two girlfriends!'

At The Clown Bank.

Pin your hopes and dreams on the donkey

"To be honest I'd rather make love not war, but my chat-up lines are terrible."

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

To sleep, perchance to wake up as a different person.

'Houston, you're not going to believe this...'

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."