Comedic Jailbird Pillows

'When I snore, I'm put in solitary. And on nights when I don't, I'm released back into the general population.'

"White Collar Prison"

Exhibition for Prisoners

"Regards from the kids, grandma, mom and pop, uncle Fred , Aunt Theresa and cousins Harvey, Flo and Niki. They all want to know where you hid the loot."

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

'They got me for trespassing, grand theft cookie and trafficking Xboxes across state lines.'

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

Joker in jail

'Hey kid, what are you in for?'

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

Love in prison.

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

"I believe thr guv'nor used to own a boarding house in Blackpool."

"It's no good you hiding, Whacker. Your release date's today and that's final!"

"It's the hard knocks life for us..."

'Yeah...who knew community service would be this harsh?'

'This kookaburra he's talking to-they're AUSTRALIAN aren't they?'

'That day was pretty bad! That day was awful! That day right there wasn't too bad. That day was okay. Oh, yeah, that day...it was horrible!...'

'So what's your recommendation? I suggest a tunnel.'

Con Artist.

'There. Now you have the job security you've always wanted.'