Comedic Introspection Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Last week I got in touch with my inner-child...turns out he's a bed wetter!"

"I feel like my parents didn't want me."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Pop up begger.

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

Tree growing

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

How cats see their home

When psychiatry works too well!

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

"Sales rep from Milton Keynes? You prove he no British spymaster who sent you on secret mission to Bananastan?"

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

'I hope we don't start getting competition from redundant bankers homes.'

'You thought I'd gone out of business? What gave you that idea?'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.