Comedic Insomniac Pillows

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

Things that go beep in the night.

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

"I'm taking you off sleeping pills and putting you on Proust."

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

"They say this will keep us up all night like that's a bad thing."

"Before I prescribe a sleeping pill, I'd like you to try the opera."

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

"When Van Gogh had insomnia he created masterpieces."

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

"I'm going to give you something to help you sleep."

"When I can't sleep I don't count sheep I count my blessings."

Noah falls asleep by counting animal pairs.

"This book put me to sleep—It was wonderful."

"See how much better you look after a good nights sleep."

'We're making progress on my insomnia. My foot went to sleep last night.'

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupunture needles should go?"

'No appointments are available for the next three months, but you can always call in to the doctor's talk show.'

"But counting sheep makes me hungry."

"He's chasing his dreams."

"You've been daylighting, haven't you ?"

"Must you page swipe so loudly?"

'The new baby? Oh he's great! I haven't slept in 4 days, but the baby is great!'

"If you really wanted to, you could beat this insomnia with your eyes closed."

'It's great that you can laugh at yourself, but can you not do it in the middle of the night?'

Daily Promise...

'One will help you sleep like a log. The other one's to keep the termites away.'

I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd embroider my memoirs a bit.

"The video of you giving that big bloke a piece of your mind has gone viral!"

I've hidden your clothes until you pay your last bill.

'Next time try decaf.'

'How's your insomnia?' - 'Terrible, I can't even sleep when it's time to get up.'