Comedic Flexibility T-Shirts

'This is the first time I've ever seen a geek with a pulled muscle.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"As you can see, we have a very flexible work-from-home-at-the-office policy."

"Remember, ladies, if you are doing this right you shouldn't be able to do it."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'Keep repeating to yourself: I am a high flyer, I will not dive for the salmon.'

'Look honey! I can touch my knees!'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Whiskey wars

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"I warned you about those contortions, Mr. Dershowitz."

'OK... Technically you CAN touch your toes.'

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

'The pain in my head always seems to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet!'

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

"Great pet, but we should have given him less energy."

"What if we don't like their country personas?"

"You've placed me in a difficult position here, Malcolm."

Dad Dancing.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Man eating his meal with his feet.

"I guess I'll never understand women."

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'