Comedic Critique Types Gifts

"How dare you not salute the goddess? You'll burn at the stake for this, damn heretic!"

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics! (Published originally on February 9, 2013).

Pessimists v Optimists.

'You must have one arm shorter than the other.'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

'You should never wear a green parrot with a blue suit.'

Pop up begger.

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

'The footprints in the cheesecake were inconclusive, but my DNA was all over the peanut butter pie.'

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

"Is there anybody there?"

Fisherman Funneral

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

Safety Pin

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

"We haven't been married long enough for you to reprimand my dog."