Comedic Circuitry Seeker Pillows

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

How cats see their home

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

Lambo

"It's taken her years to develop that naive, spontaneous, style."

'That time of year, eh Ben, don't know whether to go hunting or fishing?'

When psychiatry works too well!

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Let me give you some advice on marriage, Joe. . . try to think of me as the pope. . .'

"Do I look like the sort who knows anything about lawns?"

"I have to go wee-wee."

"Of course I flunked the spelling test. My pencil doesn't have spell check!"

"I'm trying to find the end of this roll of tape ..."

"Wrong hole!"

"Worst opening act ever. Did you know what a vuvuzela is?" "What?"

"This model comes loaded with options, including a parking space in your neighborhood."

Gurus wise words on lost socks

'All I see is red ink!'

'Do you have something in mind?'

"You need to put in 10,000 hours."

Garden stagger

"Travel book says do not land on Earth unless you have your own health insurance."

"Why do I have to enter a password? Who's going to nick it?"

'I chose the jockeys wearing the prettiest colours and I'm doing better than him!'

"Okay, who was texting!"

Arctic slip hazard...

"I beat the king in golf, now he's having my clubs executed."

"Oh SURE!! Run away when there's WORK to do!!"

'Careful Carruthers, it could be a computer simulation.'