Comedic Calorie Counter Gifts

'This thing is stupid - I weigh just the same with my coat and boots OFF!'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Secretive Weigh In.

All Natural Nothing

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Diet considerations.'

Dieting Motivation.

Sisyphus Sawyer

'Wow! That yogapilates has really paid off!'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.