Comedic Analyst Gifts

The immortal philosopher Murphy sets pen to paper...

Wedding Day Itinerary.

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

" ... and markets closed lower today on news that markets would close lower today."

Monkey Business College

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Pop up begger.

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

Fisherman Funneral

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"