Comedic Analyst Gifts

The immortal philosopher Murphy sets pen to paper...

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Genetic Fingerprinting.

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Monkey Business College

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Pop up begger.

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

Fisherman Funneral

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."