Comedians Of Delusion Pillows

"Frankly, I don't know why more people don't think they're, Wellington. After all, he won."

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

LOOK BHIND U!

"Really, Mr. Stevens, this fantasy of being turned into a giant frog is absurd. We both know there's no such thing as a curse, and you can't seriously believe your mother-in-law is actually a witch. . ."

"I had a wonderful dream that Anonymous turned out to be me."

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

Memory Foam Mattress.

'Don't you have anything more recent? I've already read what you just confessed on your blog.'

'Convention time in the liar's club.'

"Thanks for bringing the party mix, but. . ."

Almost Your Time.

"Thank God we're insured"

'Which health plan are you on?'

'I propose we trade services - you cure me of my delusions and I'll protect your navy.'

"Look. Jesus healed my severed leg."

'I tried letting it all hang out, and somebody stepped on it.'

'I do love you, but anything you say, ever, will be remembered and may be used in evidence against you.'

The late Cretaceous period.

"This is my last session, doc. I'm thinking it's a pretty good time to be delusional."

'Instead of hunting tonight, why don't we call our insurance agent, say we want to get Medigap coverage, and eat him when he arrives?'

Man Crossing His Fingers Behind Back At Interview

"This Subway Diet is way better than that Atkins nonsense."

Non handicapped parking only.

Fly on Cow Dung.

"No, not Yale. A fork in the road."

"I'll have whatever I'm hearing being opened in the kitchen."

'Delhi play area.'

'...and we had sex'

"...I'm trisexual - I'll try anything sexual."

"How about us teaching you a couple of deadly sins you don't even know about?"