Belief Comedians Pillows

"Look. Jesus healed my severed leg."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

St. Elmo's fired.

Garden of Eden and scrumping

"Hey! These are still good!!"

Applause

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

'Is there any way we could ease into these GRADUALLY?'

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

"I hate his 'holier than thou' attitude."

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

"Closed until further notice."

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

'Yeah, my head gets cold, too, but the hat sends the wrong message.'

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'