Comedian On The Plains Gifts

"Ugh, I hate it when the stampede stops to do 'the wave.'"

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

I fart more than that!

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

A Venus cow trap.

'I thought that 'remote gizmo' was just for manoeuvring the caravan down the drive!'

'You sure complain a lot for someone who says he loves nature.'

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

'Does the hunter I just ate make me look fat?'

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

"Geez, Dude. I asked for a slight trim. Not a Brazilian wax."

"Any duck that thinks that decoy looks like a duck,swims like a duck and sounds like a duck, deserves to be shot!"

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

Excess Baggage: If your vacation plans include 'Getting Back to Nature' be careful what you wish for.

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

I've been doing sit-ups!

"My wife is always on to me about eating more vegetarians."

"I get aroused when I see you in leather."

A centi-stampede.

COWS: Spare cow

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

'Bad news is Tim Turkey is dead, the good news is I've made a wish!'

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"Daisy had twin bull calves. How'd you do?"

Early American Think tank

"I didn't mean to trample him. How do you say 'my bad' in human?"

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

'Of course there is room for advancement. You certainly can't go down from here.'