Comedian On The Plains Gifts

"Ugh, I hate it when the stampede stops to do 'the wave.'"

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

I fart more than that!

'I thought that 'remote gizmo' was just for manoeuvring the caravan down the drive!'

A Venus cow trap.

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

'You sure complain a lot for someone who says he loves nature.'

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"Geez, Dude. I asked for a slight trim. Not a Brazilian wax."

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

"Any duck that thinks that decoy looks like a duck,swims like a duck and sounds like a duck, deserves to be shot!"

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

Excess Baggage: If your vacation plans include 'Getting Back to Nature' be careful what you wish for.

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

I've been doing sit-ups!

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

A centi-stampede.

'Bad news is Tim Turkey is dead, the good news is I've made a wish!'

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

Early American Think tank

"Daisy had twin bull calves. How'd you do?"

"My wife is always on to me about eating more vegetarians."

"I get aroused when I see you in leather."

COWS: Spare cow

"I didn't mean to trample him. How do you say 'my bad' in human?"

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

'Of course there is room for advancement. You certainly can't go down from here.'

Scary Marshmallow Campfire Stories.