Collider Enthusiast Gifts

Spot the Higgs boson competition (like 'spot the ball' competitions).

Two particles outside Hadron Collider; 'Fancy getting smashed this evening?'

Welcome to the Team

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'Time to buy.'

"No party - it's for testing the atom smasher."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

Blend Schools

A street fight.

Doulton Canada Geese

"We're making the World a safer place for nuclear explosions."

'The new intelligent dummies aren't working out. They've figured out there's a break!'

'Yes, It's in that direction.'

'Go ahead,ask me which way is north.'

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

'A little higher Dinkleman.'

'I was cleaning it and it went off.'

"I'll need a three iron."

'And here's the crown jewel of the collection. It's an '86, totally organic, and the UK Bag Manufacturers' Association rates it a 99.'

'Break a leg.' - 'Thanks a lot.'

Spot the Higgs Boson competition

'Coming up next. . . our traffic and weather report.'

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

Roman paramedic.

'I got you three new autographs in the prison yard today... an NFL and NBA player, plus a movie star!'

I need a ten-letter word for a collector of inexpensive sports memorabilia. A "baublehead."

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

'Why are they all picking on me?'

The Achiever: competing with the appearance of virtue

Meh, I've been on higher.

'I guess you're right again; wine and eggs do go together.'

Universal Soldier/ Local Anaesthetic

Man lost in a maze while his wife waits outside

"Wouldn't one pen in your pajamas suffice?"