College Pride Pillows

"No, not Yale. A fork in the road."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'Do you have any of those cars with 'My Child Is An Honor Student' bumper stickers on them?'

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

"Well, Timmy's academic results show that he has an exceptional instinct, well above the standard "basic instinct"..."

"I love college."

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

Awesome. Now let's try this with bottles.

"Did you hear? Melinda Alvarez, the smartest girl in school, made an ice cream machine for her science project and then shared it with all her teachers! What did you make, Gracie?"

'I'd invite you in, but I'm way too young to settle for less.'

"What A Party."

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

"I think it's unquestionably the finest letter you've ever written to the 'Yale Alumni Magazine.'"

"You probably don't need to specify 'toga party'."

Canine Frat Parties

"There was a time when only the rich went to university... now even they can't afford it."

"Just principal will suffice, Ed."

Class of 2015

'Can we have a starter for ten, please?'

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"

Posh students drinking beer.

"This diploma marks the end of four years of learning and signals the beginning of a lifetime of alumni giving solicitations."

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