College Pride Gifts

"No, not Yale. A fork in the road."

Branded? Nah, that there's a decal where my kid goes to college. OU.

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'Do you have any of those cars with 'My Child Is An Honor Student' bumper stickers on them?'

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

"Well, Timmy's academic results show that he has an exceptional instinct, well above the standard "basic instinct"..."

"I love college."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

Awesome. Now let's try this with bottles.

Campus Library. How was your Russian poetry class? Rhyme and punishment.

"Did you hear? Melinda Alvarez, the smartest girl in school, made an ice cream machine for her science project and then shared it with all her teachers! What did you make, Gracie?"

'I'd invite you in, but I'm way too young to settle for less.'

"What A Party."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Goes To College

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

"I think it's unquestionably the finest letter you've ever written to the 'Yale Alumni Magazine.'"

"You probably don't need to specify 'toga party'."

Class of 2015

Canine Frat Parties

'Can we have a starter for ten, please?'

"There was a time when only the rich went to university... now even they can't afford it."

"Just principal will suffice, Ed."

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"

Business Administrations: Join our enrichment program. Learn how to invest in the stock market.

It's nice to have a positive parents' night topic. College admissions. Hearing about drugs, depression and sexually transmitted diseases gets old. The 3 downer 'Ds'. Tonight we'll discuss your kids' futures in higher education. We'll cover drugs, depression, diseases and crushing debt. Correction. 4 'Ds'.