College Parent Gifts

With their only child off to college, the Gilmonts each suffered empty-nest syndrome in their own way.

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

"My homework ate my dog."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'I really wanted to only take accounting courses, but my parents made me take this cartooning class so I would have something to fall back on.'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"I'd like to spend a year abroad before getting tied to quill and parchment."

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

The Graveyard of Past Deadlines

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

Victor Frankenstein's Dream: 'This should definitely get me extra credit in my anatomy class.'

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Joins The Football Team

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

"Enjoy university darling, and don't come back during the holidays, we're going to air BnB your room."

Student Debt

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

Student Food Pyramid

Believing that clothes make the man, Dave goes for the 'smart guy' look.

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

Frat House Feng Shui

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'Oh, yeah? Well, my kid has accrued more college loan debt than your kid!'

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

"That's in case Mum skypes me."

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'