College-bound Family Gifts

For their safety, many colleges require that parents put on airbags before they are told what the school's tuition is.

"One year closer to college!"

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'The children are leaving the nest, honey! They're not diving in the Olympics...That was at leas a 6.5 by the way.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

I'm interning at town hall for my college transcript. Cool. I'm taking AP classes to boost my GPA. How about you, Twig? I'm working at my dad's nursery. What do you get out of that? Money. Novel idea!

'Oh, yeah? Well, my kid has accrued more college loan debt than your kid!'

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

'He's trying to put three kids through college.'

"Kids in college? Well, won't it be nice to have them home?"

"I suppose it's 'Empty Nest Syndrome', doctor. . . ever since Amber left for college I've felt so empty!"

'They're 'individual' cheese slices, Herb, We knew one day they would go out on their own,'

I would like to start a regualr investment program that will help pay my daughter's college textbooks

With their only child off to college, the Gilmonts each suffered empty-nest syndrome in their own way.

"Oh George. My heart."

I'm forgetting which college is which. Their brochures are all alike. University of. It's always fall or spring. Apply! There's always a multi-cultural group of kids hanging out. There's always a girl in goggles working in a science lab with an ethnic-looking prof. It's reassuring. They all celebrate their diversity in the exact same way! And charge the exact same for it!

"Don't worry, Mom and Dad. I promise to only make mistakes you never made."

"Higher learning gets higher each year."

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

"Either we've been robbed or the kids left without saying goodbye."

"I'm glad this is the last of it. Mom and Dad kept smiling, but I know it's breaking their hearts that I'm going to be living at college!"

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."

"Our son is off at college, so as a reminder of him, I keep a dirty sock-scented candle burning in his room."

'Dad, who was Plato? . . . You don't want me to go to college do you?'

Relax! The college process need not be stressful! Staying calm actually helps your child cope. Parents' night. Top colleges are brutally competitive. Even state universities are rejecting excellent students. I'm relaxed. Me too!

"This place feels huge since all my sisters went off to college."

The kids are going back for another semester.

'We've found that having our kids leave for college from an actual nest helps them to grasp this momentous passage in their lives.'

"The kids are in college. . . what are we going to do with ourselves?"

'After the revolution' (small people get small schoolbags).

Angry White Males.

"After Joey left, George was keen to convert his room into an office."

Two bills for college tuition

"Looks like the kids have gone off to college. Let's grab a few years alone in the house before they decide to return."