College Guidance Pillows

'Students who major in these subjects have a 7% less chance of moving back in with their parents after graduation.'

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Saving for College.

'Well Mimi, what's it going to be...medicine or the cello?'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

"Of course I'm not quitting school, Dad! If anything, I've learned that if you want to succeed, you need passion and leadership and a whatever-it-takes attitude!"

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"When I go to college, I'm focusing on a STEM area of study!"

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

'Trevor, it's some gentlemen to see you about your student loan.'