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Why College Costs So Much 101.

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

Here's the college for me! It's totally green. Let's see. I though you wanted warm weather. Look at the brochure. There's no snow in any of the pictures. The school is in Minnesota. Wow! Early signs of global warming. Who knew it hit college brochures first?

I'm forgetting which college is which. Their brochures are all alike. University of. It's always fall or spring. Apply! There's always a multi-cultural group of kids hanging out. There's always a girl in goggles working in a science lab with an ethnic-looking prof. It's reassuring. They all celebrate their diversity in the exact same way! And charge the exact same for it!

They're slashing our health care and pension to cut the budget at work. Plus, I have to take an unpaid furlough week. Let's go see colleges! Ok! That will take my mind off my depressing finances. University. And!

Quit texting! This is a lovely campus. Turn around. Let's go. We just drove 5 hours. What's the problem? Umm

How were the academic departments on the campuses you visited? Dad!!! Stop stressing me!! College hunting is hard enough without you prying into every detail of my life! Arrghh!! How were the drama departments?

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

Eternal Student.

Postgraduates A group of posts on their way to class.

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

Continuing education.

Interdisciplinary studies.

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

Paranormal A-Z...

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

"Three more years of high school."

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

Type A Freshman - changed courses four times, got a job, organized a protest, quit the job, plans to take second semester abroad.

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'Add the numbers, divide by how many numbers you've added and there you have it-the average amount of minutes you sleep in class each day.'

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

Congratulations! All that cramming paid off.

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

"So the secret to getting good grades is to study hard...seems a little extreme!"

School. Learning is a lifelong process. It's only the graduation ceremonies that end.