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Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

"Every day it's the same. My class starts out as Sesame Street and ends up as Jerry Springer."

'I have a very traditional approach to discipline.'

'Add the numbers, divide by how many numbers you've added and there you have it-the average amount of minutes you sleep in class each day.'

'A grade of 85 or higher will get you a favorable mention in my blog.'

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

'What's he going to be when he passes all his exams?' 'A pensioner!'

PS 143, 'Apparently, double negatives are okay in math but not in English.'

We realise you do better on your I.Q. tests than you do in anything else, but you just cannot major in I.Q.

'I'm switching my major to 'rehab', so I can meet celebrities.'

'It was okay, but they sure impose a lot of deadlines!'

Student to teacher: 'After Accelerated Math I think I deserve a rest.'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

Educational Experience Ahead.

'And I see you have a degree from the University of Wikipedia...'

"I'm majoring in undiscovered eastern religions with a minor in underwater basket weaving, I am hoping to get a job as a government economist when I graduate."

'No wonder I'm failing Math. I'm just no good with numbers. Even when I called the math homework helpline, I got the wrong number.'

'I need some help with my homework, Dad -- do you know anybody who knows anything about political science?'

'Elizabeth...name eight animals that inhabit the arctic region...'

"So the secret to getting good grades is to study hard...seems a little extreme!"

Interdisciplinary studies.

'My son needs a laptop for college. Do you have any with a keyboard that does not have the $ key?'

"Of course you'll study Latin. How else will you learn the names of your dinosaur friends."

'One advantage to homeschooling junior is that I am now learning things I never learned when I went to school.'

'Welcome to Edexcel enter through the door on right.'

Public Relations 101: Today's Lecture: 'Weapons of mass deception.'

'Being home-schooled means I can be a runaway and a dropout at the same time.'

'Any chance you can charge this to my student loan?'

'I realize that algebra is greek to you but that does not count as a foreign language credit.'

School of Ology.

"Maybe it's time we look into home colleging."

'I wish that she'd make up her mind - yesterday she told us that three and one made four...'

'Good morning, class. I'm Ms. Gardener, and I know how you feel. My mother made me come too.'

"The 10-week course costs $600 and takes an hour and a half to complete."