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First Day of School

"I'm not good with letters."

'My lab partner wants a prenuptial agreement!'

"When I said you can learn at your own pace, I meant within the school year!"

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

Interdisciplinary studies.

Continuing education.

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

"Three more years of high school."

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

Paranormal A-Z...

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'Add the numbers, divide by how many numbers you've added and there you have it-the average amount of minutes you sleep in class each day.'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

"Now the geeks hold all the power. They're the ones who know how to forge a parent's e-signature."

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

"So the secret to getting good grades is to study hard...seems a little extreme!"

One!

'My name is Jeremy and I approved this message.'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

'It's not for homework. It's for traction.'

To lessen the strain on their backs, many students are opting for the new Velcro shirts.

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

"You know, I'm really more the 'humanities' type."

'People have been known to lose an eye when a wink goes seriously wrong.'