College Examination Gifts

Investing 101 Acronym Test.

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Burning the midnight oil.

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

Continuing education.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"One year closer to college!"

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

Four Types of Test-Takers...

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

'I'm sorry son, parents don't like the 11 plus...'

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Nervous Oral Testing

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Good luck with all the revision...

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

GCSEs

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

Examinations.

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."