College Coach Gifts

Hamburger Helper

'Coach - do you know the definition for 'losing coach''

College Coaches Pay

"Here we go again. Hiring college coaches for millions while faculty members teach for peanuts..."

College Football

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

I like the Jets...I guess

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

Reach for the Star.

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

Go team!

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"I hate performance review season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"