Collection Curator T-Shirts

'-and I think I can say,without fear of contradiction,that I have read EVERY volume on these shelves.'

My own museum.

If You See Something You Want, Whine!

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

Furniture store going out of business for 3 generations.

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

You're my Mona Lisa.

At the Museum

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Paul Klee

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

The Googler

'That's about it so far, Son.'

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"And this is our media room."

Physician tending a mummy.

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"Personally, I'm a doer."

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'Projectile painting.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

The Kitchen area of a Whitechapel Boarding House

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"