Collecting Whiskey Pillows

'Whenever I get a cold I buy a bottle of whiskey, and within an hour it's completely gone.'

"That's me Uncle Magee. He's half Irish, half scotch."

'Hoots-Mon... with a wee dram at these prices I'll never get tipsy!'

"Barkeep, gimme a shot of your finest whiskey." "Not so fast there, partner." "Oh, sorry. A... sh... ot... of... yo... ur... fin... est... whis... key...."

Inland Revenue, Area 4 - Which would you prefer, Prozac or a stiff whiskey?

'I was with Tom and I won a bottle of whiskey.'

"Where on earth did you read that alcohol is good for you?"

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'A cheeky red?'

Wine Lady

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

Join me in a Martini?

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Trump Poutine

Bernstein's got himself a driverless club

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'Al, that hopeless romantic, sends me love letters written in wine. I just wish he'd use red instead of white.'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

Some scents are nonsense.