Collecting Whisky Pillows

'I'm on a whisky diet... I've lost three days already!'

Scotch Whisky Torture

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

'A cheeky red?'

Wine Lady

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

Join me in a Martini?

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Bernstein's got himself a driverless club

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'Al, that hopeless romantic, sends me love letters written in wine. I just wish he'd use red instead of white.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'Does this perfume have an antidote?'

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

true love.

Some scents are nonsense.

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

"Quick swig first?"

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

Portfolio, 2011

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'