Collecting Scripts Gifts

'If you would like a transcript of this show... get a life.'

'They all want to play the star.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

I'll be honest, Jerry - When you invited me to join your book club, this is not what I expected.

Actor practising his indian war crys

Hollywood producer.

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

Hollywood producer.

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

"Great money scenes!"

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

Orthopaedist

Scrip Doctor

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

Woody Allen

"Whatta you mean 'minor script changes?' It's supposed to be a western."

"Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements."

Great script, great cinematography, great everything. But the whole 3D thing is lost on me.

Woody Allen

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

"I play the husband, but am promised a speaking part next time."

Subtitles for the Stupid

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"