Collecting Obituaries Gifts

'Oh...him...obituary columns as usual.'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"I remember that game of Spin-the-Bottle like it was yesterday. It was love at firstspin."

'Lost Diary'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

'One of my forebears.'

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

'I want a scurrilous biography. If it was good enough for Getty, it will be good enough for me.'

Bear Office Worker

Misery lit...

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

The Everest Experience: Cafe and Gift Shop

'How could a man who seduced a hundred and thirty-two women find the time to write a twelve-volume memoir?'

"Well, well, well! Your parents certainly messed up when they named you, didn't they, Angelo?"

I always frame yours, J.B.

'I've just read my autobiography, now there is nothing to read.'

RIP Dr. Tom Kent: In my absence contact Dr. G. Hall

'So you're writing a book about your career,'

Nostalgiaville

"Didn't you get the memo!? Today is Black + White Day!"

"He sure could talk on the C.B. radio."

Clinton titles his book.

The late Cretaceous period.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Joins A Commune

Biography: Liz Truss Book

Epitaph: Life is wonderful. Without it you're dead.

In Memory of What's-his-name.

"I fondly remember the time before the money ran out."

Sarah Palin reads from her new book.

"When I said if you return to the office you can bring something from home....I meant a photo, or PLANT!"

'Well, I certainly can't say I missed this memo.'

"This dvd of Billy's first day at school is due back in two days, Mom."

"I'm sorry it didn't work out, too, but you will be getting a participation trophy."

"You measured him! Does it shut?"

'I've reached an age where there's nothing to look forward to but nostaliga.'