Collecting Funny Sayings Pillows

"Sorry, my bad."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

The Snarky District

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Ms. Rusmore

Mexican Jumping Balls.

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

'The pills stopped your depression but we may need to adjust the dosage, Sister Naomi.'

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"I've got a painful burning sensation in my groin, doc."

"Why do you call the new sheepdog Bra?"

'Wool ewe pullover yourself together.'

"The moment he told me he lived in a lighthouse, I knew he was a keeper."

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

'I would suggest a Cabernet Sauvignon. It's non habit forming. I should know. I've been drinking a glass every day for twenty years.'

Bell Hop

"I've been window-shopping..."

"Champagne always makes her light-headed."

"Unplug and chill out."

Artichoking victim

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

"It started with a few grey hares in my 20's and they kept showing up."

Jeffrey N.: The Guy who managed to get the lead out of his pants, but they were still the wrong pants.

"It's the best thing since bread torn into little pieces."

'I guess it's true what they say: spirits just don't mix'

"Lucky you. Cliches are 10% off today."

"Well, that's not a good sign."

Apple says to banana: 'Look, it's had to explain ??" you're just a naturally funny guy, OK?'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'