Collecting Funny Sayings Pillows

"Sorry, my bad."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

The Snarky District

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Ms. Rusmore

Mexican Jumping Balls.

'The pills stopped your depression but we may need to adjust the dosage, Sister Naomi.'

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"I've got a painful burning sensation in my groin, doc."

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

"Why do you call the new sheepdog Bra?"

'Wool ewe pullover yourself together.'

"The moment he told me he lived in a lighthouse, I knew he was a keeper."

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

Artichoking victim

"I've been window-shopping..."

"Champagne always makes her light-headed."

"Unplug and chill out."

'I would suggest a Cabernet Sauvignon. It's non habit forming. I should know. I've been drinking a glass every day for twenty years.'

Bell Hop

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

'Oh, you know, the usual...just working.'

Jeffrey N.: The Guy who managed to get the lead out of his pants, but they were still the wrong pants.

"It started with a few grey hares in my 20's and they kept showing up."

"It's the best thing since bread torn into little pieces."

"Lucky you. Cliches are 10% off today."

"Well, that's not a good sign."

'I guess it's true what they say: spirits just don't mix'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'