Collecting Funny Quotes Pillows

Sorry, took the wrong pills this morning.

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

Vegetarian Birds

Nevermore. You don't have to use "air quoths" every time.

"I feel a great disturbance in The Force."

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Shakespeare Street

Mortally Wounded at the Battle of Quebec, General James Wolfe Forgets His Last Words

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

"Hahahaha doctor, I guess I'll see you in a week

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

The Quotable Ben Franklin. To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals. And not flying thy kite during thunderstorms might help, too!

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

'The pills stopped your depression but we may need to adjust the dosage, Sister Naomi.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"I've got a painful burning sensation in my groin, doc."

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

Frog Prince thinks: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horsefly.'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'These are Martha's Camp Cupcake Muffins - and I've just ordered her new apron from the prison gift shop.'

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

'I would suggest a Cabernet Sauvignon. It's non habit forming. I should know. I've been drinking a glass every day for twenty years.'

"I've been window-shopping..."

Headstone reading 'Only Sleeping'.

The Month of June

"Champagne always makes her light-headed."

"I don't understand why the pen is mightier than the sword."

"They say the early bird gets the worm, but something's rotten in Denmark with this scenario!"

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

Live, laugh, love