Collecting Funny Quotes T-Shirts

Sorry, took the wrong pills this morning.

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Vegetarian Birds

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

"I feel a great disturbance in The Force."

Shakespeare Street

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Mortally Wounded at the Battle of Quebec, General James Wolfe Forgets His Last Words

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

"Hahahaha doctor, I guess I'll see you in a week

'The pills stopped your depression but we may need to adjust the dosage, Sister Naomi.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

"I've got a painful burning sensation in my groin, doc."

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

Frog Prince thinks: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horsefly.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'These are Martha's Camp Cupcake Muffins - and I've just ordered her new apron from the prison gift shop.'

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

The Month of June

"Champagne always makes her light-headed."

Headstone reading 'Only Sleeping'.

"I don't understand why the pen is mightier than the sword."

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

'I would suggest a Cabernet Sauvignon. It's non habit forming. I should know. I've been drinking a glass every day for twenty years.'

"I've been window-shopping..."

"They say the early bird gets the worm, but something's rotten in Denmark with this scenario!"

Live, laugh, love

'Life is too short to be little.'