Collecting Doormats Gifts

Please wipe your belly.

Emergency Hipster Beard

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

The Best Laid Plans

'If you only learn one thing while you're here kid, remember, the cherry filled ones are mine!'

Are you kiddin'? Those babies are all made right here on the premises.

Alien with flying spaceships on wall instead of flying ducks

Mostly Identified Flying Objects

The gift of a family Christmas

'Oh him? That's Frank. My parents made me take in a boarder to cover the cost of my car insurance.'

Ye Old Mariners Inn.

'I thought I told you not to play 'foreclosure eviction' with your sister's doll house!'

"Jeez! You expect me to hibernate in these?"

Mistletoe and Mistlefoot

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

'...However Algae production is still in its infancy...'

Elf Tortures Santa.

"Now all I need is daddy's pipe to stink up the place!"

Antique Scrimshaw: We floss daily.

The Job Interview

'And THIS is our top seller! It's a couch that looks like potatoes for couch potatoes!'

A mouse uses a computer with a small man as a mouse on a pad.

'Sometimes a police office has no choice but to use deadly force. Say for instance someone grabbed for your donut.'

An Energetic Susan.

Fair Warning.

Caution Wet Floor.

"How am I supposed to guide the sleigh with this mask on?"

Night Before Christmas

Mugshots

"What have I told you about accepting suits from strangers?"

That a garden gnome had Pebbles in a headlock did not horrify Ms. Otis nearly as much as her neighbor's very poor taste in lawn decor.

Beer Keg Babies

'That's a tea tray.'

'Apparently there's no good or bad children anymore... only misunderstood!'