Collecting Dark Humor Art Pillows

"Ironically, it's sickle cell."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

Skeleton playing fetch.

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'... And this is my cellar.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Out To Lurch

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

End the Winter Blues

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

The practical psychopath

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Housekeeping?!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"How about if we just winter in hell?"