Collecting Dark Humor Cartoons Pillows

"You're a lying, cheating, son-of-a-bitch. You'll do well down here."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'... And this is my cellar.'

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

"Sorry. I just find rotating my head helps me to relax during the test."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Out To Lurch

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Call me?"

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

Pigeon Little

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Housekeeping?!"