Collecting Corkscrews Pillows

Dentist with a corkscrew.

Corkscrew

"I don't mind that it is a mixed marriage, but I hear the groom has a drinking problem."

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'A cheeky red?'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'Al, that hopeless romantic, sends me love letters written in wine. I just wish he'd use red instead of white.'

The Tectonics and Their Plates.

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

true love.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

Red Wine

Wino Appreciation Group

'A nutcracker? Admit it, Fred, you're getting old.'

He started with the q-tips, then moved on to the hard stuff.

Hand Sanitiser on the Bar

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

The Stages of Wine

Long Corkscrew

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"Let it breathe for an hour, to bring out the best home-truths."