Cohabitation Comedian Pillows

'That's the thing when you start living with someone - you discover all of their little habits.'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

"That was Copernicus on the phone – he says you're NOT the centre of the universe!"

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

'No, but thanks for asking.'

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"Next year we put the cats outside before we hibernate."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"He was a rescue."

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

"Is there a problem officer?"

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

'man trouble? What you need is a big piece of cake.'

"After two years of dating, we decided it was finally time to move in together."

"But in the dream, ha ha, your family was normal, even that sociopath little brother of yours."

"That word-puzzle gloat of yours is getting old fast."

"When we agreed that you would move in, Mr. Goodrich, you didn't mention Rex."

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"Maybe this will make you less of a jerk!"