Cognitive Therapy Pillows

'Your problems are caused by all-or- nothing thinking. It's either that, or you don't have any problems.'

How Optimism Works

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

Clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought and memory.

"Have you been working out?"

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

'Therapy in L.A.'

“What if I tell you the card you are thinking of is … the Jack of Hearts ?”

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

Caricature of Noam Chomsky

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

'Now while you're cranking the Jack in the Box Tommy, I want you to tell me your thoughts.'

"But it would be rude to raise taxes on my friends."

"I feel used."

'What's the difference between solitude and loneliness, doctor?'

"… and a big shout-out to my hippocampus, without which I wouldn’t be standing here saying words."

'Of course you're not a failure... you can afford my fees can't you?'

Introverted Chair

"This isn't a bad time to be out of touch with reality."

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

"What are we watching? I don't know. Some show on short attention spans."

"I know marriage is a partnership, but I didn't realise I'd be the silent partner."

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

"I totally meant to do that."