Cognitive Training Pillows

Dumbing Down for Smarties

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Overjumpers

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"Shake! Good Dog."

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

Clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought and memory.

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Hanging off every word...

"Not a bad list kiddo, but I know them all! I've told you it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks..."

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

Exercise Bars

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"