Cognitive Therapy Gifts

'Your problems are caused by all-or- nothing thinking. It's either that, or you don't have any problems.'

How Optimism Works

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

Clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought and memory.

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

"Have you been working out?"

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

'Therapy in L.A.'

“What if I tell you the card you are thinking of is … the Jack of Hearts ?”

Caricature of Noam Chomsky

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

'Now while you're cranking the Jack in the Box Tommy, I want you to tell me your thoughts.'

"But it would be rude to raise taxes on my friends."

"I feel used."

"What are we watching? I don't know. Some show on short attention spans."

'Of course you're not a failure... you can afford my fees can't you?'

"I know marriage is a partnership, but I didn't realise I'd be the silent partner."

"This isn't a bad time to be out of touch with reality."

"I was born into the wrong color. I'm not pink, Oh, doc, I'm so depressed..."

Introverted Chair

'What's the difference between solitude and loneliness, doctor?'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

"… and a big shout-out to my hippocampus, without which I wouldn’t be standing here saying words."