Cognac Lover's Conundrum T-Shirts

"Do you have any idea what you've done? There are twelve hundred bottles of cognac on that ship!"

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

Shaken not stirred

The Alpha Seltzer

Trump Poutine

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

Beach hats

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

Prawn Cocktail Please

'Is this a party, a cheese and wine do, a cocktail party, a soiree or just another of your old cronies get-togethers?'

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"Phil's an expert networker. One drink and he's on schmooze-control."

"Looking cool in a car takes practice."

"They grow up so fast."

Cigars for the Upcoming Bear Market

"Call me a taxi if I start foaming at the mouth."

"Why so grim, handsome?"

'He's just come back from another management training course.'

I'm carrying a Tiki Torch for you

Easter Island moai as cocktails.

No such thing as a chocolate overdose!

"Hey, who wants to hear a great single-malt story."

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

'Shaken, not stirred.'

'I'll have another flu shot.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

'I'd love you to come round, Samantha - but I'm sipping my cocoa all ready for sleepy bo-bos.'

'If you don't start feeling better in 24 hours, pour yourself a tall scotch.'

Whiskey Bottle - Well it doesn't look like a paperweight to me.

'I'm very sorry, sir. Even for stressed out bankers, whiskey and gin aren't tax-deductible expenses.'

Scotch and soda on a drip.