Coffee Protector Gifts

'You may have my Double-Double when you can pry it from my cold, dead hand.'

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"I see you've security marked your property."

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

Reading the sports pages.

Man, I could destroy a chocolate donut with sprinkles right now

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Tempting, but I'm on a plastic cleanse this week."

"Talk to me. You have wounds. I have salt."

'Wow, look at all these prescription drugs that are out of date.' FLUSH 'Happy as clams explained.'

Fish Farm - 'Oh no! It's a skool of our poos!'

'So in summary, if you harpoon a whale enough it dies.'

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

I am coffee and I need more coffee

"It's a survival instinct...they know there's an underwater pipe pumping out untreated effluent somewhere around here."

"Practicing my hate-face."

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

The Procrastinator

Marine Pollution

"Nope. No fish."

Let's have the cod. It'll be extinct soon.

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

'Wow... What did you use for bait?'

Save the Humans.

"You said you'd be 'five minutes,’ nine months ago."

A fisherman catches fish wearing gas masks near oil runoff.

'You've had enough!'

Honest Vending Machine

"Thing about human interest stories is, they always presume you're interested in humans."

Temporarily closed for resurfacing.

"What am I up to? I'm collecting human rubbish floating on the ocean and I'll dump it in front of their parliament!"

'This decaf's lousy.'