Coffee Protector Gifts

'You may have my Double-Double when you can pry it from my cold, dead hand.'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"I see you've security marked your property."

Reading the sports pages.

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Tempting, but I'm on a plastic cleanse this week."

"Talk to me. You have wounds. I have salt."

'Wow, look at all these prescription drugs that are out of date.' FLUSH 'Happy as clams explained.'

'So in summary, if you harpoon a whale enough it dies.'

Fish Farm - 'Oh no! It's a skool of our poos!'

I am coffee and I need more coffee

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

"Practicing my hate-face."

"It's a survival instinct...they know there's an underwater pipe pumping out untreated effluent somewhere around here."

Marine Pollution

"Nope. No fish."

Let's have the cod. It'll be extinct soon.

"You said you'd be 'five minutes,’ nine months ago."

'Wow... What did you use for bait?'

Save the Humans.

'You've had enough!'

"Thing about human interest stories is, they always presume you're interested in humans."

A fisherman catches fish wearing gas masks near oil runoff.

"If you see an oil spill, we can pull over."

"What am I up to? I'm collecting human rubbish floating on the ocean and I'll dump it in front of their parliament!"

'This decaf's lousy.'

Honest Vending Machine