Coffee Klatch Participant Gifts

"You're the perfect storm. . . in a teacup."

The prying mantis,

"Congratulations! You unlocked the devil in your coffee. Microwave a seventh time and you'll meet L. Ron Hubbard."

"Of course homeworking has lots of advantages."

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

I just can't help feeling that we'd be good together.

'I didn't know it was so dangerous. . . Mac's coffee.'

"He's a working dog, but I don't know what he does."

Green Coffee

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

One cappuccino please, and I wanted to give you this. A note. How formal. Dear small local independent coffee house ... I went to Starbucks this morning. I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me? What if I agree to purge what I ate? The written apology is sufficient.

Latte, numbskull. We offer zero percent financing. No money down and no interest for two weeks. You then make eight monthly payment at 25% interest. How greedy. Well, coincidentally, I'm offering 0% coffee in my mouth ... Uh-oh. 100% dumped on your head. Must finance new shirt.

"I'm telling you. . . something's not right with this coffee."

"Since I've been working at home, I don't bother with the shell."

"Decaf. They can't be far away."

"Honest dear, those other 39 hens don't mean a thing to me!"

'Philip was cute this morning. He said money's tight and I should only buy what I need.'

'Which came first, the chicken or the egg?'

The Fountain of Espresso

'I get a lot of chit-chat type email gossip and I love to spread it around with a cellphone!'

'Haven't you heard. Shoulder pads are on their way out?'

Oops, I spilled coffee on my resume. Uh-oh, that's a stain on your record!

'OK lads...not a word about the barista tournament. As far as our wives are concerned we've been at a rape and pillage seminar in Oslo.'

"Not you, too, Larry. Pumpkin-flavored?"

One cappuccino coming right up!

Witness the power of this fully operational battle station

'Why aren't we using the test tubes that don't look like coffee mugs?!'

'She's been like that for hours. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to dare her to drink her dad's coffee.'

Let me guess

Your usual ginseng pumpernickel ostrich-sweat latte? No thanks. I wanna try something different today. The pecan praline white chocolate mocha's also good. Ooh, that sounds good. I'll have one of those. But can you substitute macadamia nut for the pecan? That'll take some work, but it's doable. Thank you. and can you substitute turkey tears for the praline? Turkey tears sound good. And can you substitute pureed bagel for the mocha? Pureed bagel sounds lovely. I see where this is going. And can y

"I can do this to anybody's coffee, Phil."