Cockpit Collectors T-Shirts

'Wait a minute! I thought you guys couldn't fly!'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Do you buy cars here?"

'It seats two comfortably.'

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'God's speed.'

The White House: Some Assembly Required.

'Let's see. One dozen red wigglers, two dozen nightcrawlers,three dozen crickets. Want flies with that?'

"Because you're a mechanic, we're going to do your hydrotherapy in a car pool."

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

'I swapped shirts with Peter Crouch.'

"Don't put that on. You're wearing this shirt today."

'I think you'll find this just as much fun as 'Grand Theft Auto IV''

James May

'But, honey, the girl in the bikini only adds to the awesomeness of my car.'

"There it is...the car of my dreams! It's the perfect match! The seat...the steering wheel...they just call my name! I'm not leaving here without it!"

"...and it comes with sat-nav, which as you can see the previous owner used all the time."

Acme Flyswatters.

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

'Hey Dad, how about a game of ispy?'

"Neat Nick!": Tidiest cowboy in the west

Driverless tow truck.

'Built in obsolescence: Mini with a wind up gramophone.'

No Carrot Sign (like the old 'no radio' signs).

Ship in a Bottle

It says, "In lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to the automaker of your choice." Invite!

"Do you have anything smaller?"

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

Groucho Glasses Eye Test