Coal Enthusiast Gifts

'At least this means we won't need a coal mining search.'

EPA - Environmental Persecution Agency.

WW Global Bank: 'No wonder you're another day older, and deeper in debt, you can't earn a profit loading number nine coal!'

'Just one of those things...get out of town night and day.'

Biggins regarded his gift from Santa with mixed emotions. On the one hand, he now had a whole year's worth of research funding...

"God!! I love to smell industrial pollution early in the morning!"

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Roasting the Moneybox

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

Merry Christmas.

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

Fish flipping flapjack in pan. Title: 'Ed was glad he'd caught a panfish.'

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

Professor Algarth Zag, pioneer in fire research.

'Your father's a genius kids. First he discovered fire and now marshmallows.'

Car Breast-Feeding

'It's called fire...it recycles wood.'

"Let’s not speak of this, Tommy – scouts’ honor?"

"I can really taste my food since giving up smoking, so I've started again."

Flash Cuisine

"and when they woke up, the kids discovered that the house had just one 19", black & white TV that only got... 3 channels."

Nobody likes a smore loser

'A lab had me smoking cigarettes for months. I'm living off my disability payments. You?'

"He must be a pro. He's got his own stick."

Creepy Camp Stories.

"I could easily change to a healthier lifestyle, but then I'd live longer and be a burden on my loved ones in my old age."

"The other reindeer sent me back to the smoking section."

"You were right, Louis. . . I was cold before, but now it's warm and toasty."

'Is the fire included?'

Marshmallow Roast

'It was still pitch black when I left for work: I picked my son's toy barrel instead of mine...'

"So it's agreed then. From now on we're to do our hourse trading in partially smoke-filled rooms."

'For the life of me I can't see how cooking over a fire, bathing under a spigot and sleeping on the ground can be fun!'