Coach Confuser Gifts

'...You're playing too deep! Move in! Move in!!'

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

Reach for the Star.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Go! Means NOW!

Time Is Money

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

The trauma of losing.

Back to school.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

A married couple share the same pole vault.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Bringing Your Child To The Bicycle Race

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

Bears

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."