Club Chuckers Pillows

'No matter how hard you throw one, no matter how ticked you are, they circle right back to you.'

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"G.P.S. FOR GUYS"

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

Hypnotoon

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"...lettuce pray."

Sunday School. Strange --- Apples were forbidden, but apparently fried foods were okay.

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."

"A reading from the ax of the apostles."

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

Polly Clinic.

Keyboard in Heaven

"It's weeder's elbow."

Missing Parsons.

Circus doctor.

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

"That was a good sermon...but I'd have settled for a soundbite."

"Seats in all parts!"

The sermon was so boring the Preacher put himself to sleep.