Closet Snacker Pillows

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"The bagels are better in New York."

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

Breakfast surreal.

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"You're the sport on my telly"

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

Cookie Thief

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

"I recommend the pimento loaf with pickle. It's bursting with umami."

"We grind our own catnip."

"Get those things away from me- I can't stop eating them."

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'Get the kind with the little marshmallows.'

'OK, remain calm. Who's missing? Milk? Eggs? Cheese? Where'd they go? How much do they know? And will they talk?'

Hey Gus, I've managed to steal some crackers and some grapes too...

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

"Sergio, you know I don't snoop...but I was in Baldo's room this morning...and I found this."

"Dad, what is a meal?"

"Man, I love roughing it out here... but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

Factory raised chickens. . .Free range chickens. . . Chickens that crossed the road.

'Not eucalyptus leaves again!'

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'