Closet Snacker Pillows

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"The bagels are better in New York."

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

Breakfast surreal.

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"You're the sport on my telly"

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

Cookie Thief

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

"Get those things away from me- I can't stop eating them."

"I recommend the pimento loaf with pickle. It's bursting with umami."

"We grind our own catnip."

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'Get the kind with the little marshmallows.'

'OK, remain calm. Who's missing? Milk? Eggs? Cheese? Where'd they go? How much do they know? And will they talk?'

Hey Gus, I've managed to steal some crackers and some grapes too...

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

'Not eucalyptus leaves again!'

"Man, I love roughing it out here... but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

"Dad, what is a meal?"

Factory raised chickens. . .Free range chickens. . . Chickens that crossed the road.

Sometimes, instead of one big meal, I prefer tapas.

"Sergio, you know I don't snoop...but I was in Baldo's room this morning...and I found this."

Don't lie to me